What I’m doing Differently this Time
So, I’m back in the workforce. It’s so funny that the exact thing that I felt broke me as a mom (working) I’m making the conscious decision to do again. But this time I’m doing it differently. I don’t mean this as I’ve figured everything out and this whole thing will go perfectly-no. What I mean is I have learned what went wrong and how I can improve.
Wrong: Feel guilty for choosing a career
Right: My family is my world, but before they were my world, I was my world. Moms need to remember this. I’m putting myself first and that’s OK, actually better than OK because if I don’t feel complete, then I can’t give anyone else the best version of myself, and my family deserves my best. What I realized is I need a sense of achievement outside the house to show up for the ones I love. This realization changed everything for me.
Wrong: I had the wrong perceptions on many facets. I perceived me being away as raising neglected children with an absent mom.
Right: I’m focusing on the quality time we spend together- phone away, being mindful and completely present. My son remembers the games of Monopoly and my poor attempt at basketball; and my daughter covets the infinite makeovers and spa nights we do together. The things they don’t remember: the infrequent work trips or meetings that I can beat myself up about.
Wrong: Feeling guilty when I can’t give them my undivided attention AT ALL TIMES
Right: They’re watching me and all that I do: run a business, lead calls, create and execute my ideas. They’re also watching me make their lunches, run the household and be at their games. I’m their role model and inspiration, and they see that through my actions how much I’m there for them and that my love for them is above all else.
Wrong: Rushing through my work to get it done in time for school pick up
Right: I’m still making school pick up, but refuse to sacrifice the quality of my work for it. If this means waking up an hour early to be more productive, then that’s my sacrifice. If it means doing a better job organizing my priorities, then that’s what I’ll do. In the past, when I brushed my work aside to compensate for mom guilt, it would make me resentful. I see now that I have full control over this scenario, but it takes planning.
I’m now in a place where I’ve realized I don’t have to choose work or family- I can kill it at both roles, but it took making mistakes and a whole lot of self-reflection to get here.
Thanks for being here.
xo,
Court
